"Forever's an awfully long time."

Posts tagged ‘sad’

What I Want vs. What I Have

Image

I want you to need me for real.

But I love how we act with each other already.

I want you say I love you and mean it.

But at least you say it.

I want you to stay in my life forever.

But at least I have you in my life now.

 

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When People Let You Down

I’ve been talking about sad things, lately. Forgive me now, since I’m going to talk about another sad occurrence. It’s a sad thing when people let you down. It’s even sadder when you thought that the people involve weren’t capable of letting you down, and yet, in the end, among all the people who could have, they did. And even after approximately seven months, it’s just sad that I’m still affected by it.

One day. That’s all I asked for. I asked them. TWELVE MONTHS IN ADVANCE. If they would be able to come. They said they could. They promised. All of them. My eighteenth birthday came and… let’s say ‘devastated’ is the wrong word for things. 

Now, there might be some of you reading this who are saying that I’m going to start making a huge gigantic fit about my eighteenth birthday. In my culture, we call our eighteenth birthday parties a ‘debut’. It is this one big special event (probably the equivalent of a sweet 16) where all your friends are there, you get to dance with the men of your life, you shed a tear or two while your girlfriends share all their happy moments and dreams for you, with you, and all your relatives are there. 

Supposedly.

Now, I can understand if they were busy. I’m not so selfish to think that the world revolves me and I’d expect the entire world to stop turning just so that they could fly over and see me for one night

I do, however, think that it would be almost entirely impossible not to send me a video greeting on my birthday, when all of my other friends did. Heck, one of my cousins even got my favorite basketball team from here to greet me a happy birthday. But the people who matter more to me… They didn’t even say ‘HI’. Not a text on the day of my debut. Nothing. And it hurts more than I can bear. 

A grudge of seven months is not a pretty thing. Especially not when I was over at their place in January and I practically burst into tears seeing everyone all together. They couldn’t even do that for one night, just for me.

And they had the nerve to ask me why I was crying.

No. Until they know that I need an explanation, I will not relent. 

I’m not a spoiled brat. I asked for one night, that’s it. I don’t even like having birthday parties, but because it was my eighteenth, I considered it special.

I’d have thought you would have at least wanted to make me feel loved on my special turning of age ritual. Hm. 

Facade (Dated: February 3, 2011)

I could like and say I was over him already

Say that she’s butt ugly and isn’t worth one look

That I don’t care that they’re so in love

And he’s stuck on her like a fish on a hook.

I could smile, and watch them be together

I could fill your head with lies

Say that I’m happy when someone notices

The tears that are welling up in my eyes

I could deny that my heart is cracking

I could pretend I never saw

The way he looks at her like she’s perfection

How he overlooks her every flaw

I could keep quiet when I hear

That they are the best couple ever

I could laugh when they get teased

And shrug it off with a quick ‘whatever’

But no matter what happens, I can’t deny it hurts

Even if I’m feeling oh, so crappy

There’s really nothing I can do

Because in all reality, HE’S HAPPY. 😦

Untitled (Dated August 12, 2010)

If we could be a perfect fairytale

All my dreams would come true

There would be a happy ending

And I would always be with you.

Every memory would last

We’d be so happy together

And when other people would look at us,

They’d be sure that we would last forever.

But I know fairytales are stories,

They are fiction, they’re not true

You may never find a person

Who loves you for being you

As I watch you from afar

I know that we can never be

So I guess I’ll just be satisfied

With seeing you in my dreams.

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