"Forever's an awfully long time."

Posts tagged ‘journal’

The Secrets I Can Afford To Tell.

Another blogging adventure, but just with Kai and Pearl this time (so far… Maybe Ay, Raff, Ren or Gail will join later?) The prompt this time was “Tell me something I don’t know about you.” 

What can I say?


My fears. I’m scared if the unknown. I’m also scared of cockroaches, although not as much as Pearl. I’m scared of really deep water. I am, yes, afraid of getting hurt. Even though it happens a lot.

I’ve been bullied. A lot. And it’s okay. Trust me, you don’t want to know the half of it. Life was a little less enjoyable for a couple of years…

But everything’s okay now. ‘Nuff said. I don’t even think that’s a secret. 😛

I am a bad b*tch sometimes. If you deserve it. Sorry for the language. Just saying it like it is.
I really, truly, really do love nursing. Not a lot of people know that. I just want to let everyone know that I am more in love with this course than I am with… Matt Bomer.
I am in love with Matt Bomer.
Hi, Matt ;w;

Hi, Matt ;w;

I want to be famous some day. Well, I mean I might not be like one of the greatest dancers or singers or ‘the girl that found the cure to cancer’, but I’d like to be known. I’d just want to do something in the world that would make a difference. I know I sound conceited but yeah. Is it so bad to dream?
But my dream… I’d love to make a book that would become as good and as famous Harry Potter. Even though no one can ever beat Harry Potter. Ever. Ever-ever-ever.
I am extremely sentimental and I get emotional easily and I think I’m kind of bipolar but that’s okay. Blame my uterus. Blame my heart. Blame my brain. My hypothalamus? Ugh. I get teary-eyed over every single little thing (when I’m all alone and SOMETIMES when I’m with others). I cried when I assisted my first delivery case (luckily, the doctor didn’t see me). I can switch from being happy-happy to as emotional as a pregnant woman, which is weird but hey. It’s me.
I have never gotten over this one guy. Yes this one guy. For the past (one, two, three, four…) six years. *shrugs* It’s funny though, because I remember one thing about him and I’m g o n e.
The only thing I don’t like about myself is my weight. It’s unhealthy, and no matter how many times people tell me it’s okay to be chubby, I think that it IS unhealthy. (You know, being a nurse and all) And I don’t care how many people tell me I look ‘okay’, I am never going to be satisfied until I lose like about ten pounds. I am sick and tired of people telling me I look manly and have a muscly body. So yeah. You know that now.
Things that piss me off: plastic friends, people who don’t know when to just SHUT UP and QUIT IT, insensitive people and people who cause harm in any way possible.
I am still in love with Matt Bomer. Even though he’s older. Even though he’s openly gay. 
Oh, you smooth criminal, you.

Oh, you smooth criminal, you.

(That was just to break the tension, if you didn’t get it. Ohhh.)

I don’t know what else I could possibly say about myself. Well I didn’t just bare my soul to you. I mean, there are things that I keep to myself. You’ll have to get to know them yourself. 


When the Mind is Overheated

I have pressed Ctrl + A and then Backspace so many times just thinking about the first lines and paragraph for this blog post. 

I promise you, no more deleting. It’s just so hard for me to explain my thoughts and feelings this time. Wait, let me rephrase. It’s hard for me to explain my thoughts and feelings this time… and actually make sense while doing it

It’s as if my mind right now is just a jumble of thoughts, words, colors, emotions and sensations that are just exploding at the same time and in such rapid motion that I can’t help but squeal like a little girl. It’s like being a machine that’s been overheated and can’t function right.

Heck, I have a fever right now and I don’t think I’m functioning right, so I guess that’s that.

It’s just being so happy because he said something like that, because I could see it in his eyes and I know he meant it, but being sad at the same time because I know he meant it, and nothing else, nothing deeper. It is feeling like you want to cry into a pillow, but you can’t because you’re so happy that he’s your friend. It’s like wanting to hate him and love him, and feeling frustrated because you can’t do either

It is wondering why you got yourself into this. 

On My Phobia

You can be scared of a lot of things.

You could be scared of failing. You could be scared of the unknown. Ghosts. Being alone. Falling in love. Death. Losing something. Losing someone. Forgetting. Hurt. You could be scared of that neighbor next door who looks like a combination of all the scary old people you see in horror films. Rejection. Your friends. Your enemies. Blood. The future. You.

You could be scared of anything in the world, and no matter what you say, all phobias are the same in the sense that they hinder you from your dreams. Even I have a phobia (or phobias…) which will hinder me from a brighter future. Leaving the ones I love behind. Becoming alone again. Going back to the past me, the past introverted me. What’s scary for me is that I have grown to love the me that I am now, I have grown to love the friends I have now, and what I have now, I cannot lose. 

I can never lose them.


The Weathergirl

We were just given a 1 hour break from classes, and instead of studying for the thirty item quiz on the Respiratory System, here I am, in front of the computer screen, wearing two jackets because it’s too cold in the office (in my opinion, anyway) and blogging about some random topic that will spark out of my fingers in probably a few minutes. 

The past sentence probably says a lot about what I am; impulsive, random, and easily affected by the weather. Isn’t there a word for that? Never mind, I’m too lazy for google-ing. But the strangest thing is, I’m happier when it’s raining, and a bit moody when it’s sunny.

Most of my good memories have been on rainy days, and let’s face it; curling up next to someone and cuddling them because it’s cold is one of the best things in the world. I don’t know what I’d do without cuddles. 

I spent a lot more time on this than I should have. I guess I have to go and study now. (Rolls eyes and grudgingly gets up from the computer.) 

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