"Forever's an awfully long time."

Posts tagged ‘hurt’

Thing 1 and Thing 2. Well, actually boy 1 and boy 2.

Two boys, so alike, yet so different.

Two boys, same effect on her heart

Beautiful eyes, beautiful smile, beautiful creature

Arrogant attitude, self-centered attitude, she loves that attitude

Two names, still the same, not quite the same. 

Thing 1: Conceal, don’t feel, get it out of your heart

Thing 1: Crush the feeling, before it starts

Thing 2: Hide it even though he knows

Thing 2: Smile even your pain still shows

The innocent girl is so confused

The little girl doesn’t know what to do

Give up, don’t look back, run away

Move on, be strong, that’s what they say

For both she feels that certain tug in her heart

For both she knows with them, she never could part

One to choose

One to stay

One to never go away

One to love

One to need

One to want, one to bleed

One to fly

One to leave

One to never ever need

One to forget

One to say

I’m sorry, please, just go away

Thing 1 Thing 2

I just don’t know

What in the world to do with you

Thing 1 Thing 2

My heart you will smother

You’ve just made me wonder why I even bother

Thing 1 Thing 2

I’m sorry for calling you things

But what else can I do when

You’re the cause of these feelings

Leave me

Need me

Go away

Stay here

Hold me

Let go

Run

Run

Stay.

Author’s note: Clang Association is a disorder where a patient likes the flows of certain words (e.g rhyming). I just realized how much it seems that I suffer from Clang Association. Do I? Hm. You be the judge. I just loved the words flowing out of my fingers, all messy like and such. The mess is beautiful, and I think I like it quite a lot. 

No regrets, dears. 

You hurt

I don’t want you to hurt

Make you feel down

I don’t want to watch from the sidelines;

Stand away from the crowd

Shut you out

You can’t make me do that 

Others would, but I wouldn’t

Unlike them, I genuinely care about you

And I need you to see that.

Just open your eyes. 

Please.

It’s been a while since I’ve written a poem. I feel better now. 

The Letter I Want Him to Write.

Kai gave me this idea. It might be a future blog challenge for us, but for now, I realize that it might be a way of closure for me. Who knows? I might get something out of this.

(*)

Kaitlin,

I’m sorry. 

I know it’s corny, and it’s probably the last thing you want to hear from me (if you even want to hear from me), but it’s true. I really am sorry. There’s nothing I can do for you, not anymore. I know I said it once, and I know I should have meant it.

So now, I’d just like to say that I don’t regret anything. We were young, we might not have been in love, but we must have had something special. I know that I made you hope for too much, and again, I’m sorry. It was just nice for once, to have a girl I could talk Pokemon about with, to have someone to pace with, and someone to enjoy life with. 

I shouldn’t have lost you, but in the end, I think that both of us made each other grow, in a way. I learned the hard way that girls aren’t going to flock after me, and you learned that loving someone isn’t as easy as Disney movies. The only thing I regret is that I had to make you hurt for so long.

You’ve always been a fan of closure, and I hope I’ve given you something that will at least close this part of our lives.

I just want you to know that I hurt too. And I hope that we can see each other again and I can tell you this in person. You deserve that.

You’ve always deserved that.

Me. 

How to See, and Not Be Heard

(the links to the other sides of the story can be found at the bottom of the page. Thanks for reading.) (Collaboration with Erika, Raffy, Ayrish and Pearl.)

It amuses me how stupid people can be when it comes to the big ‘L’ word. If only they could open their eyes.

She has been my best friend since we were in diapers. We grew up together, went to the same school, walked home together, and all that stuff that little girls do growing up. When we got older, we started talking about other girls behind their backs, and laughing about the ugly shirt that one girl wore. We exchanged friendship bracelets, let each other borrow our clothes, shoes, and whatnot. To make a long story short, we were the best of friends. I was always fiercely protective of her, and I was the first among us to use a curse word; I called someone a ‘bitch’ because she had pulled Pearl’s hair.

Then we got into college, and of course everything changed.

There was a guy who was in the same year we were in. He was practically our university’s ‘Golden Boy’; campus heartthrob, Mr. Popular, everything. He probably got the same attention as ‘The Boy Who Lived’, only I know that the only person he would save is himself.

I have never liked this kind of guy, and I (thought I) knew she didn’t like boys like him, either. I was surprised when she told me she was totally head over heels in love with him. I’m normally very vocal with my feelings, and I would have told her to just give up already, but… I could tell she really loved him. And I’ll be damned if I ruin it for her.

Who knows? Maybe she’ll get something out of this.

But secretly, I hoped she wouldn’t. As she watched him from afar, I watched him, as well. Only I was looking at the other things. Like how he would have lunch with a different girl every other week. Or how he would shower girls with presents one week, and then I’d see the same girl crying her eyes out in the bathroom.

Honestly. I haven’t even talked to him once, and he’d managed to piss me off unintentionally without even coming in contact with me. I shall take lines from one of Taylor Swift’s hits, and say that “I knew he was trouble when he walked in.”

But I can see it in her eyes; love truly is blind. All she can talk about is how nice his hair looks, and how brown his eyes look like in the light, and how handsome he is… I endured it all, her worship of his so-called perfect character. Of course, I tried telling her once or twice… Or five times… About the other stories of other girls, but well, she didn’t listen.

FINE.

I decided to leave the issue alone then, but something happened. She became his latest victim. I never should have brought her to that bar.

It was one of our classmates birthday, and she had decided to celebrate it at a bar. Among the two of us, I’m more of a party goer. I’m not an alcoholic, but I drink… occasionally. At first, she didn’t want to go, but I pushed her. So, I guess I can say that  I literally pushed her into destiny’s path. (But then again, she had never believed in destiny.)

I’ll say it quickly so that I don’t have to dwell over it; I got drunk and I lost track of her. Once. But the next time I saw her, she was with him. It didn’t register much in my drunken mind, to be honest, and from the texts I received from her (and read the night after), I knew that she was safely home… and had been walked home by the infamous Carri Grant.

One thing led to another, things I don’t even want to know about, but the next thing I knew, you had texted me, ‘I SAID YES!’. A tight smile and ‘congrats’ was the only thing I could offer to them as she brought him up to me, her eyes shining like they always had, so in love. He looked cool, looking like he had just won another battle… I was disgusted with him. He wasn’t even looking at her, damn it. I. Did. Not. Support. This. But what could I do? My best friend was happy. She deserved it. And for once, maybe she could get it.

I was the observer, always the observer, and it has always been that way. However, I failed to realize what it would mean to be the best friend of the Golden Boy’s newest girlfriend. She faded away from me, but I wasn’t afraid of the consequences. As the time she dedicated to him increased, I thought, no matter how bad it sounds, that she would be back in a week or two, and I’d be her best friend again. Everything would become normal again, and then we wouldn’t have to talk about him anymore. (I was waiting patiently for those moments. I missed our old times.)

I started to get worried when a week turned into two, and then into a month. That month turned into two, three, four, and then seven… I, like everyone else, was shocked at this progress. He had never had a girlfriend for this long. In spite of my jealousy; I felt a sense of pride – Pearl had changed him. I knew the girl who had changed this notorious playboy. It seemed true; he had met the girl he had fallen head over heels in love with. He had met someone who he could actually commit to.

Or maybe not.

I don’t even know her name, I don’t know what school she’s from, but I couldn’t care less. All I know is that she would be the reason of one of many sleepless nights. Honestly, I don’t know who I’d like to hit more, that slut, or the bastard who should’ve avoided this situation in the first place.

It fell apart; it was already clear that there were no other words that needed to be said. I was lucky (if you could really call it that) to have been there as well. If I wasn’t there, Pearl might have done something really drastic.

But that’s what friends are for. Being there through good times and bad, and not saying ‘I told you so’. I’ll kill him, (both of them, if time allows) but not yet. I have a job to do, and I’m finally at peace with myself.

At least I have finally been heard.

Author’s note: This story has accompaniments. There are five parts, and the part I am playing now is the part of the poor girl’s best friend. I take this part close to heart, because I have been this friend before. 

Hopefully, you will never experience the pains that come with being cheated on.

Here are the other parts of our story:
♦ How I Stopped to Love – Pearl
How to be a Player  – Raff
How to be The Temptress – Ayrish
How to be ‘Just Okay’ – Kai 

 

Sentiments

Why am I never enough?

Why is there always someone else

Who’s prettier

Nicer

Everything you’ve always dreamed of

Why am I almost always never enough?

And when I am enough

Why does it never last?

Why does something always stand in my way?

What can he not see in me?

But what if the better question is…

What can I not see in myself?

Me (Dated July 13, 2010)

Who sees you when you think

That you’re not there

Who hopes that you see her

The way she sees you?

Who waits for your text message

No matter how late

Whose pulse races faster

Whenever you smile?

Who watches on the sidelines

While you talk with that barbie?

Who’s filled with compassion

As she watches you break you

Who writes all her poems

While thinking about you?

Who listens to love songs

And thinks that she can relate?

Her heart, it’s breaking

But you can’t see that

How can you be so blind

Not to figure out who she is?

Will You?

Will you miss me when I’m gone

Will you think of me at all

Will you remember every detail of me

No matter how small?

 

Will you wonder what I’m doing

When I’m very far away

Will you treasure every memory

Remember what we used to say?

 

Will you laugh if you remember

All the things we used to do

Would you wish to be with me again

And rekindle the friendship that is true?

 

I wonder if you’ll miss me

Because I’ll miss you, too

And when I fly so far away

Just know that I’ll be thinking of you.

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