"Forever's an awfully long time."

Posts tagged ‘friendship’

Chances are…

He was the high school senior that everyone went ga-ga for. Including me. He was tall, athletic, funny, and good with kids. He was amazingly nice and had a smile that reached his eyes and went straight down your throat and into your stomach. He wasn’t the first one for me, but he was the first one who wiggled his way into my heart, and stayed in my good graces. The first one to help me forget I was hurting. The first one who never hurt me.

He broke my rule of ‘not falling for anyone who was loved by all’. He was the one who made my heart flutter again after that first heartbreak. He was the one who smiled at me from across the pool and would look away when I tried to look closer. He was the one who asked for my number and texted me during the wee hours of the night. He was the one who called me when I was sick and spent hours talking on the phone to me about swimming and everything under the sun. 

He was cliched moments. He was distractions and smiles and butterflies. 

He was September all the way to February, he was the itch that I couldn’t get rid of. 

He was the recipient of my stares behind darkly tinted sunglasses. He was the knight in shining armor that saved me from hurt and from bullies. He was the voice that brought me back to earth when my favorite pet died. He was the big, boisterous laugh that I adopted. He was the guy who knew when to high-five me when I didn’t get a medal. He was the guy I went to the pool for. He was the first one to tell me, besides my family, that he loved me. 

I was fearful of reJection, fearful of hopes and dreams and making the same mistakes. I was a sophomore. I thought I knew everything. I thought treating those words as nothing would be normal. I thought I was going to get hurt again. 

He slipped away and I never regretted anything more. But to my surprise, he stayed constant in my life. Periods when I would see him and we’d act like nothing happened. Little shoulder punches, winks and jokes that were nothing. Cheering for me during competitions. That smile I loved so much.

Nearly six years pass. 

Now he is still a friend. He is still an itch I get every few times a year when we meet. We meet rarely, yes, but we meet. We don’t text anymore, but when we see each other it’s like my world stops turning. He is still smiles and jokes, is still winks and shoulder pushes. I don’t swim anymore, but this time it’s my sister he cheers for. He got a bit chubby, but he’s still the heartthrob the girls sighed for. 

He is still a smile, and a little jolt in my pulse when he passes by. He is still blushes and stares from behind sunglasses. He is still high-fives and secret moments, he still sticks up for me when people tease me. He is still a flutter in my heart, even though he shares that flutter with someone else. More than that, more than all of those things, in his eyes, I see that he is a chance. A chance that blossoms every time we meet. It won’t be a flower tomorrow (which is the next time we’ll see each other), and it won’t be a flower next week… but when it grows, it will become a chance to start again, a chance to take back my laughs and nonchalance. I like the sound of that. A chance. 

A beautiful chance. 

Dear Jayd,

Today started off as a normal day for me. I got up early, took a shower, skipped breakfast so I wouldn’t get caught in traffic, arrived at school, and waited for the bus to take me to duty. I talked with classmates, idly walked around the quadrangle, and had breakfast with other classmates, and then finally, we were told that we had to take the freaking jeepney. Yeah. When we were paying like hundreds of pesos for that damned coaster we don’t even fit it.

Any way.

We arrived at the health center, we were oriented to the area and what we’d be doing, and then I walked out of the health center with everyone else once it was all over. Then, by some circumstance, I looked at my watch.

My watch shows the date, in a tiny little box where the ‘3’ is supposed to be. The little box had the number ’17’ in it.

February 17. The day you… One year since you died.

Putting it in words like that on my blog makes me realize how final it is. I guess it never really hurt me so much because it didn’t sink in. I guess that maybe there was some part of me decided to think that there was a possibility that you would text me and ask me how I was doing. Or that maybe when New Year’s rolled around, you’d thank all your friends for the great year, and hope for a greater, better one.

And I guess I waited, and waited for that moment, for that text or call, or that chat box that would pop up with your name on it, and it never came.

I wonder when I started to stop hoping.

It was at this moment when I had to grab for one of my classmates. The tears were coming fast, and I didn’t understand what I was feeling. I don’t know how to explain the feeling that went through me at that time. It was as if… As if something was just squeezing your heart.

I lost a very good friend one year ago. 

The thing that hurts the most is the fact that I almost forgot. You are one of my closest friends, Jayd, and I almost, so nearly, forgot. And I am so sorry.

I miss you, Jayd. I really do. But I just want to say that, no… I didn’t burst into tears. I was hugged, I was consoled, I was even serenaded, and I didn’t cry. You know why? Because suddenly I felt like my chest was lighter… Almost as if you were telling me not to cry or feel guilty anymore.

It’s been 365 days since that fateful message posted on your FB wall. 365 days since I cried with all of our batchmates as I called people one by one, consoled everyone, and had sleepless nights while my heart ached for you.

So basically, Jayd, I just wanted you to know that I miss you, and I’m sorry. All of our batchmates miss you, and I can tell you that we still mention you every once in a while. We’re happy, but we still miss you. :’)

Love, Kaitlin.

I don’t know where you are right now, Jayd, but I know you can read this. I mean, you have to be reading your manga and downloading anime from some place.

There has to be wi-fi in heaven, right?

Seven Dwarves

Not a lot of people know this, but I was dubbed ‘Snow White’ sometime back either in my 2nd or 3rd grade.

The only physical attribute that Walt Disney’s Snow White and I have in common is the black hair. My lips are not blood red, and my skin is not as white as snow. So why, you ask?

It’s simple. I ate an apple once upon a time, and fainted.

I don’t know why that happened to me, but the thing that stuck to me back then was, wow… I became a Disney princess.

About 12 years have passed since that day (I’m OLD oh, no…) and I’ve already watched the different remakes of the Snow White movies (Mirror, Mirror, Snow White and the Huntsman), and I just realized how unappreciated the dwarves were. Are. In conclusion, I came to the decision that, well, maybe if I was Snow White for a day, I should at least give due credit to the seven dwarves in my life.

The Seven Dwarves changed Snow White’s life; they saved her, gave her a home, and made her feel loved. Frankly, if they weren’t even in the story, she probably would’ve died on the spot. In another sense, these dwarves also gave her her happy ending. Now girls in my life, you’re going to have to wait until I make a blog post about the ’12 dancing princesses’ or something, because for now, it’s the guys’ turn. Yes, the seven dwarves of my life.

I don’t mean that they’re literally, you know, small and stuff. No, most of my ‘dwarves’ are tall males which have added and made me feel wanted in the world, and who aren’t necessarily loved in the aspect that Snow White loved the prince (or the huntsman.). But rest assured, they are loved, and they are loved dearly. There is one who I think could have been here, but something happened that made me lose respect. One day, you’ll be forgiven. Sorry, but not now.

One dwarf has been in my life since 6th grade, and three of them haven’t even been my friends for a year. But nonetheless, I still salute you for making a big impact on my life.

Boys, if you’re reading this, and you’ve made the list, I congratulate you. You taught me a lot of important life lessons. You made me who I am today.

(In order of appearance in my life :P)



Ah, Justin. The guy who I was convinced was hyperactive or something back in grade school. He was my first guy-friend here in the Philippines (true friend… *coughs*) and he taught me how to be a guy and have fun. It was lucky that I met this guy, because I had someone to talk with about Pokemon and cartoons. He was also fun to be with; lunch was always, always incomplete without a game of Chainsaw Massacre, dodgeball, or hide and seek.  I learned from Justin that girls don’t really have to be girly all the time.



If there was ever a guy who made me like him so much and yet made me want to kill or strangle him, it was Mathieu. It is still Mathieu. You were my seatmate, frontmate, backmate, diagonal-mate and forced buddy, since I think that Sir Ian thought that we could be friends even though you were the first one to make fun of my eyebrows (and I cut your hair in retaliation). You even reported me to the freaking principal. Anyways,  it’s funny, because I think that he is one of my greatest frenemy, and we still find a lot to talk about. I learned from Mathieu that sometimes, blessings really do come from weird places. And sometimes, punishments are worth it.



He has been my friend for three years now. He, along with another friend (Dre) whom I don’t have a picture of, are two of the closest guy friends I have. Long jeepney rides home with him and the rest of DNA Millennium were always full of laughs, and if I had any problems at the moment, I knew that I could talk to him. Thanks to him, I learned to speak up for myself. I learned how to accept the fact that I couldn’t draw. And yes, I learned how to face my fears. He’s an awesome friend, and I wouldn’t know what to do without him.



My guy version. He swears as much as I do, is a bookworm, spends time on the computer, and writes a little. He’s currently my classmate in college. Early memories with him are talking about anime, games, and the like. (Looking back, I realize this is how I met most of my guy friends. Anime. Games. Pokemon. ‘The Like’) He keeps secrets like nobody else, and gives advice like it’s candy; candy that is actually worth something. I learned a lot from him, especially when it came to love. Nichole taught me that sometimes, it’s best to move on. That maybe sometimes, holding on isn’t the best thing.



I salute him. I really do. It’s not really easy to juggle being an org president, dancer, and research leader all at the same time. Trying to combine those three is practically a nightmare; although admittedly, I do the same. This is probably the reason why the two of us connect so much. He taught me a lot about being a leader; it’s more than just sacrifice. It’s a lot more sacrifice on your part. As a leader, you have to learn to take the responsibility for things that don’t always go your way. Even when it isn’t your fault, it is. Accept it.



College life wouldn’t be the same without FORWARD, of course, and Lloyd was the first probie (now staff) that I befriended. We didn’t have much to talk about at first, but everything changed when the fire nation attac- when I started listening to his playlist. Rock. Screams. Metal. I relished in it. As he passed me the songs via bluetooth and as our friendship (like the next two dwarves) grew, I learned a lot of things from him. Music really can unite people. Sometimes, friendships are forged in the most unlikely of ways, and sometimes, they leave a very long-lasting mark.



Dadots, oh dadots. The second among the three dwarves hailing from FORWARD.  We didn’t click right away, and I really don’t remember why, but what matters is the result. Because of course we’re really close now, or else he wouldn’t be on this list. He taught me how to properly shoot pictures that move, and taught me how to adjust the ISO and shutter speed. (Okay, not really the deep message you’ve all been expecting by now, but don’t worry, it’s coming up) He taught me that I should be attentive, as a nurse, and as a friend. Listening goes a long way. Being there is one of the best things you can do for a person.



Last but not the least, my senior. (Sounds weird. Ew.) My best master friend. Also another co-gamer (although he surpasses me in so many levels and I have YET to beat him MarioKart more than thrice) and another good friend. And yes, he is the giver of many a great lesson. I learned from him that you should always save a game, document, or whatever. I learned that there are really simple solutions to hard problems (turn on the wifi, Kaitlin, hell-ooooo~). I learned that besides laughter, hugs are also a great form of medicine.

Yes, I know that was EIGHT. Eight dwarves. Can you blame me for not being able to pick just seven? Guys, thanks for being a part of my life. Thanks for all the lessons. Hopefully, there’ll be more lessons… and moments to come. 🙂

Next goal: The Twelve Dancing Princesses (because of course there are more girls in my life :D)

The Secrets I Can Afford To Tell.

Another blogging adventure, but just with Kai and Pearl this time (so far… Maybe Ay, Raff, Ren or Gail will join later?) The prompt this time was “Tell me something I don’t know about you.” 

What can I say?


My fears. I’m scared if the unknown. I’m also scared of cockroaches, although not as much as Pearl. I’m scared of really deep water. I am, yes, afraid of getting hurt. Even though it happens a lot.

I’ve been bullied. A lot. And it’s okay. Trust me, you don’t want to know the half of it. Life was a little less enjoyable for a couple of years…

But everything’s okay now. ‘Nuff said. I don’t even think that’s a secret. 😛

I am a bad b*tch sometimes. If you deserve it. Sorry for the language. Just saying it like it is.
I really, truly, really do love nursing. Not a lot of people know that. I just want to let everyone know that I am more in love with this course than I am with… Matt Bomer.
I am in love with Matt Bomer.
Hi, Matt ;w;

Hi, Matt ;w;

I want to be famous some day. Well, I mean I might not be like one of the greatest dancers or singers or ‘the girl that found the cure to cancer’, but I’d like to be known. I’d just want to do something in the world that would make a difference. I know I sound conceited but yeah. Is it so bad to dream?
But my dream… I’d love to make a book that would become as good and as famous Harry Potter. Even though no one can ever beat Harry Potter. Ever. Ever-ever-ever.
I am extremely sentimental and I get emotional easily and I think I’m kind of bipolar but that’s okay. Blame my uterus. Blame my heart. Blame my brain. My hypothalamus? Ugh. I get teary-eyed over every single little thing (when I’m all alone and SOMETIMES when I’m with others). I cried when I assisted my first delivery case (luckily, the doctor didn’t see me). I can switch from being happy-happy to as emotional as a pregnant woman, which is weird but hey. It’s me.
I have never gotten over this one guy. Yes this one guy. For the past (one, two, three, four…) six years. *shrugs* It’s funny though, because I remember one thing about him and I’m g o n e.
The only thing I don’t like about myself is my weight. It’s unhealthy, and no matter how many times people tell me it’s okay to be chubby, I think that it IS unhealthy. (You know, being a nurse and all) And I don’t care how many people tell me I look ‘okay’, I am never going to be satisfied until I lose like about ten pounds. I am sick and tired of people telling me I look manly and have a muscly body. So yeah. You know that now.
Things that piss me off: plastic friends, people who don’t know when to just SHUT UP and QUIT IT, insensitive people and people who cause harm in any way possible.
I am still in love with Matt Bomer. Even though he’s older. Even though he’s openly gay. 
Oh, you smooth criminal, you.

Oh, you smooth criminal, you.

(That was just to break the tension, if you didn’t get it. Ohhh.)

I don’t know what else I could possibly say about myself. Well I didn’t just bare my soul to you. I mean, there are things that I keep to myself. You’ll have to get to know them yourself. 


Unconditional Love, Beybeh.

So I was randomly reblogging gifs on tumblr, when I got an anonymous ask in my inbox. I opened it, and there it was: “Who do you love? No, not in that romantic way, not in that family way, either. There are people you love in life, people that you love so unconditionally and people you’d do anything for, but you don’t have a relationship with them, and you’re not blood-related. I know you have one. Or two. Or five. Rant about them and tell them how much you love them.” 

…. I didn’t even have to think twice.



I have known them for less than a year. Yes, I repeat: LESS THAN A YEAR. But it seems like I’ve spent eons with them, like I’ve spent a lifetime with them. 



It sounds really corny and everything, but I think that I found my happiness with them again. I learned how to smile again, and I learned how to literally laugh out loud with them. 



I might sound a bit ‘OA’ for making this post, but I couldn’t resist. I mean, they’re like family. They’re like a friend, brother, sister, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband and children all wrapped up in one big beautiful package. 



I love flaunting all these wonderful pictures and all the great memories we had in this almost one year (AJ, Rish, Jo, Jess, Yin, Lloydie, I will have known you for a year this coming August, Kai, Gail, Rapp, Pearl (okay Pearl, we’ve known each other for more than a year), Ren, Pat, Peht, this October), but mainly this is just to show you guys that I APPRECIATE YOU ALL SO MUCH :’D 



I mean, what’s not to love about these guys? Here are some reasons.





3.) You need Math homework done? We’ve got soon-to-be-engineers. You need a reaction paper? We’ve got writers. You need help in anything creative? We have artists. You need computer help? Yes, we have a soon-to-be computer engineer, as well. You need help in academics in general? Valedictorians, Salutatorians, and Dean’s Listers, baby. You need medical assistance? There’s a nurse. You need a vain partner? Heck, we’re ALL here. (Sounded like an advertisement HAHAHA)




5.) There’s always someone to hug you when you’re feeling down. Or if you just need a hug in general. (Awwwwwww.)


6.) With them, you learn something new every day. Something RANDOM. 


7.) We come up with the best dares during card games that last until 4 in the morning. (Dawn Zulueta, Lupang Hinirang, froggie2x, shouting in the CR, and a psalm are some choice words)


8.) You’re laughing 24/7 with us. Unless, you know, it’s deadline week and everyone’s on their toes, but we all still love each other.


9.) Singing in general becomes more fun. (Have you tried singing 5-6 different songs at the same time? YOU MUST TRY. ALL SONGS LITERALLY MIX WITH EACH OTHER. Another thing I learned.)


10.) Like I said earlier, being friends with them is like having a friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, brother, sister, mom, dad, husband, wife and children all in one group. 


11.) You can just burst into laughter for no reason and…. never mind, they’ll still think you’re weird XD 




12.) Because you know them, it’s the same. They just GET you. They KNOW you. And they still accept you. (I guess we’re starting to get a bit deep, now.)


13.) You learn more about yourself with them. 



14.) No one condemns  you. (Unless you don’t take a bath every day. HAHAHA JOKE. LOVE YOU PEARL)


When it just comes down to it, I’m just glad that destiny guided me towards you guys. YOU are the people I love so unconditionally that I would do anything for you. (Okay. I know someone is going to make a joke about this. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN) 

So here’s a big THANK YOU. For being there. Period.  I only become this ‘deep’ rarely. Mwamwa guys. Mwamwa. More moments to us. ❤


How to See, and Not Be Heard

(the links to the other sides of the story can be found at the bottom of the page. Thanks for reading.) (Collaboration with Erika, Raffy, Ayrish and Pearl.)

It amuses me how stupid people can be when it comes to the big ‘L’ word. If only they could open their eyes.

She has been my best friend since we were in diapers. We grew up together, went to the same school, walked home together, and all that stuff that little girls do growing up. When we got older, we started talking about other girls behind their backs, and laughing about the ugly shirt that one girl wore. We exchanged friendship bracelets, let each other borrow our clothes, shoes, and whatnot. To make a long story short, we were the best of friends. I was always fiercely protective of her, and I was the first among us to use a curse word; I called someone a ‘bitch’ because she had pulled Pearl’s hair.

Then we got into college, and of course everything changed.

There was a guy who was in the same year we were in. He was practically our university’s ‘Golden Boy’; campus heartthrob, Mr. Popular, everything. He probably got the same attention as ‘The Boy Who Lived’, only I know that the only person he would save is himself.

I have never liked this kind of guy, and I (thought I) knew she didn’t like boys like him, either. I was surprised when she told me she was totally head over heels in love with him. I’m normally very vocal with my feelings, and I would have told her to just give up already, but… I could tell she really loved him. And I’ll be damned if I ruin it for her.

Who knows? Maybe she’ll get something out of this.

But secretly, I hoped she wouldn’t. As she watched him from afar, I watched him, as well. Only I was looking at the other things. Like how he would have lunch with a different girl every other week. Or how he would shower girls with presents one week, and then I’d see the same girl crying her eyes out in the bathroom.

Honestly. I haven’t even talked to him once, and he’d managed to piss me off unintentionally without even coming in contact with me. I shall take lines from one of Taylor Swift’s hits, and say that “I knew he was trouble when he walked in.”

But I can see it in her eyes; love truly is blind. All she can talk about is how nice his hair looks, and how brown his eyes look like in the light, and how handsome he is… I endured it all, her worship of his so-called perfect character. Of course, I tried telling her once or twice… Or five times… About the other stories of other girls, but well, she didn’t listen.


I decided to leave the issue alone then, but something happened. She became his latest victim. I never should have brought her to that bar.

It was one of our classmates birthday, and she had decided to celebrate it at a bar. Among the two of us, I’m more of a party goer. I’m not an alcoholic, but I drink… occasionally. At first, she didn’t want to go, but I pushed her. So, I guess I can say that  I literally pushed her into destiny’s path. (But then again, she had never believed in destiny.)

I’ll say it quickly so that I don’t have to dwell over it; I got drunk and I lost track of her. Once. But the next time I saw her, she was with him. It didn’t register much in my drunken mind, to be honest, and from the texts I received from her (and read the night after), I knew that she was safely home… and had been walked home by the infamous Carri Grant.

One thing led to another, things I don’t even want to know about, but the next thing I knew, you had texted me, ‘I SAID YES!’. A tight smile and ‘congrats’ was the only thing I could offer to them as she brought him up to me, her eyes shining like they always had, so in love. He looked cool, looking like he had just won another battle… I was disgusted with him. He wasn’t even looking at her, damn it. I. Did. Not. Support. This. But what could I do? My best friend was happy. She deserved it. And for once, maybe she could get it.

I was the observer, always the observer, and it has always been that way. However, I failed to realize what it would mean to be the best friend of the Golden Boy’s newest girlfriend. She faded away from me, but I wasn’t afraid of the consequences. As the time she dedicated to him increased, I thought, no matter how bad it sounds, that she would be back in a week or two, and I’d be her best friend again. Everything would become normal again, and then we wouldn’t have to talk about him anymore. (I was waiting patiently for those moments. I missed our old times.)

I started to get worried when a week turned into two, and then into a month. That month turned into two, three, four, and then seven… I, like everyone else, was shocked at this progress. He had never had a girlfriend for this long. In spite of my jealousy; I felt a sense of pride – Pearl had changed him. I knew the girl who had changed this notorious playboy. It seemed true; he had met the girl he had fallen head over heels in love with. He had met someone who he could actually commit to.

Or maybe not.

I don’t even know her name, I don’t know what school she’s from, but I couldn’t care less. All I know is that she would be the reason of one of many sleepless nights. Honestly, I don’t know who I’d like to hit more, that slut, or the bastard who should’ve avoided this situation in the first place.

It fell apart; it was already clear that there were no other words that needed to be said. I was lucky (if you could really call it that) to have been there as well. If I wasn’t there, Pearl might have done something really drastic.

But that’s what friends are for. Being there through good times and bad, and not saying ‘I told you so’. I’ll kill him, (both of them, if time allows) but not yet. I have a job to do, and I’m finally at peace with myself.

At least I have finally been heard.

Author’s note: This story has accompaniments. There are five parts, and the part I am playing now is the part of the poor girl’s best friend. I take this part close to heart, because I have been this friend before. 

Hopefully, you will never experience the pains that come with being cheated on.

Here are the other parts of our story:
♦ How I Stopped to Love – Pearl
How to be a Player  – Raff
How to be The Temptress – Ayrish
How to be ‘Just Okay’ – Kai 


The Now Legal Fangirl

ImageThis picture, I believe, is one of the first pictures we have had together. It’s dated September 10, 2012, so we have officially been friends and vain buddies for about 10 months now. Awwwww the nostalgia. HAPPY BIRTHDAY AYIN. Wait. There’s more. Since I had only a limited time to say my wishes for you, I’ll say a lot more here in this post. Mwamwamwa. ONLY. (I know what you’re thinking :P)


Echoing my thoughts earlier, I WISH YOU ALL THE LOVE AND HAPPINESS IN THE WORLD. You deserve to be happy with our friends, as an artist, as a student, and as an adopted nakdots. You’re ALWAYS there for me and you have always supported me and told me the truth (especially in terms of YOU KNOW WHO EHEM EHEM COUGH ACHOO) and I TOTALLY LOVE YOU FOR THAT. So yeah. Lots of loooove going on here.



I WISH YOU MORE HAPPY MOMENTS. With us, of course. I’m so glad that we’re co-staffers in FORWARD Publications, Yin. And I’m so sure that you’re happy too. In FORWARD, you’re surrounded by the craziest, funnest, handsomest and beautifullest people in the whole wide world. (HAHAHAHAHA) If you need to put a smile on your face, just stop by and I’m sure you’ll be smiling in no time.


I WISH YOUR ARTISTIC TALENTS NEVER EVER NEVER EVER NEVER EVER DIE. EVER. You have a talent that shines like a thousand suns. Don’t ever stop drawing, because it will LITERALLY be the WORST mistake in your entire life. I REPEAT. DON’T. STOP. DRAWING.





I WISH YOU MORE VAIN MOMENTS TO COME. Need I say more? Hohohoho.


Yes, I just posted a picture of Jensen Ackles’ butt.



HEEHEEHEE I have this picture. XD






We have come to the end of this very long birthday greeting, birthday girl 🙂 I really DO hope either of us won that contest. Because either way, you’ll still get at least one signed picture of your idols. Thanks again SO much for changing my life with SuperWhoLock. ❤ And many more fun times to us.


^Personally my favorite picture of you ❤

Happy birthday, Ayin. I love you so much. To NEVERLAND AND BEYOND. Mwahmwahmwahmwah. :* :* *

Oh, and my last wish? Hahaha. I hope I get to check this off of my bucketlist: “Me and Ayin and Ayrish go to the UK because we’re going to fangirl over everything and I want to experience it with them.”

PS. Thanks for inviting me today. Sorry I couldn’t join the whole thing. ❤

PPS. Credits to Alain James Uy, Erika Lagunzad, Ayrish Cuervo, me and Carri Grant Raffy Abenoja for respective shots.

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