I have pressed Ctrl + A and then Backspace so many times just thinking about the first lines and paragraph for this blog post.
I promise you, no more deleting. It’s just so hard for me to explain my thoughts and feelings this time. Wait, let me rephrase. It’s hard for me to explain my thoughts and feelings this time… and actually make sense while doing it.
It’s as if my mind right now is just a jumble of thoughts, words, colors, emotions and sensations that are just exploding at the same time and in such rapid motion that I can’t help but squeal like a little girl. It’s like being a machine that’s been overheated and can’t function right.
Heck, I have a fever right now and I don’t think I’m functioning right, so I guess that’s that.
It’s just being so happy because he said something like that, because I could see it in his eyes and I know he meant it, but being sad at the same time because I know he meant it, and nothing else, nothing deeper. It is feeling like you want to cry into a pillow, but you can’t because you’re so happy that he’s your friend. It’s like wanting to hate him and love him, and feeling frustrated because you can’t do either.
It is wondering why you got yourself into this.