All I remember is being in your arms, hugging me. I never saw your face but I knew it was you. I know the warmth that spreads through me when you touch me, hug me, smile at me… The only person that actually has the power to make me feel so warm in a long, long time. I know your hands. Even though it was just a dream, I felt your hands, I felt that warmth.
It was like that for a while. Snuggling. Cuddling. Hugging. I didn’t even say a word. The same went with you. I remember fitting so comfortably into your embrace. What I love about this the most? You were hugging me the best way possible; from the back.
I love you, I love you, so many words and thoughts were rushing through my head. Thank you, I’m so grateful, God blessed me with you. I remember not taking anymore, I turned around and suddenly, the warmth disappeared from my body. I ignored it though, and I just looked up at him.
I remember you laughing, and smiling at me in that way that always made me feel good about myself. I opened my mouth, but I couldn’t say anything. How could I put into words all the amazing, beautiful, wonderful feelings that I feel about you? How could I verbalize all of that? After just looking at him, with his beautiful eyes, his tousled hair and his slight grin, I leaned forward and I kissed him.
That was when the dream ended.
(Picture credits to observando on tumblr)
I don’t even remember how we met; or the first moments we had together before everything changed between us. He was older than me by two years, and I thought the world of him. I thought he was practically a god. He was funny, cute, and sarcastic at the same time, he was smart, a fast swimmer, and he even made it to national swimming competitions. I looked up at him all the time.
I think I might have loved him. Or whatever childish emotion I might have held for him before. Whatever. All I know is that he meant a whole lot to me. I never expected anything. Maybe that’s why I fell even harder when I found out that he had a crush on me, too.
I won’t go into the messy details of that first experience of ‘love or whatever you call it’, but it happened a long time ago. It scares me because it’s taking me a while to get over it; seven years to be exact.
Why am I bringing this up now, of all times? He appeared in my dreams last night, and he texted me, all out of the blue (in my dream, of course) and said something long that I don’t remember. But the only thing I do remember is the last line. “I miss all our times together. One more time?”
I miss him. Even though I’ve said a thousand million times that I’ve gotten over him, I still miss him. Even though I’ve gone through numerous crushes, had mutual understandings with other guys, and have actually been in one relationship, in the back of my mind, it’s always him. There are so many what-if’s in my head about him. Pierre.
I don’t know if first loves really never die. All I know is that they really do last a long time.
If we could be a perfect fairytale
All my dreams would come true
There would be a happy ending
And I would always be with you.
Every memory would last
We’d be so happy together
And when other people would look at us,
They’d be sure that we would last forever.
But I know fairytales are stories,
They are fiction, they’re not true
You may never find a person
Who loves you for being you
As I watch you from afar
I know that we can never be
So I guess I’ll just be satisfied
With seeing you in my dreams.