"Forever's an awfully long time."

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Bored of boring things? SuWhat!

Okay, I admit to coming up with that lame title as a very last minute thing. But I still think it’s cool. 😀

Anyhoo, I’ve come on a mission – and that is to let all you wonderful people know that there are notebooks that fit YOUR style, and your style alone. Tired of all those notebooks that are just… there? Are you looking for your (insert Game of Thrones reference because I haven’t actually gotten around to it yet) Hmmmm. Dragon-inspired notebooks? Well. SuWhat is the place for you.

What caught my attention immediately upon clicking their website (which you can check here), are the words that define their trade: (n) A non-fiction character that sells handmade notebooks; (v) to write without the rules. How could you say no to that?

And I, personally, am unbelievably astonished by with what they have to offer so far; I’ll be placing orders of my own soon, even if I’m a graduate, believe it or not. After checking their instagram for other products, I’m pleased to see other designs besides the Game of Thrones-themed ones. Basically, it means they’ve got a style for everyone! And like I said, I don’t mind buying one or two or three or twelve of these notebooks. I’m sure I’ll find a use for them… somehow.

But in my honest opinion, they could be sitting on my shelves for the rest of the year and I’d be happy. They’re just…. really pretty.

So what are you waiting for? Check ’em out on their website (link above), Instagram, and Facebook.

THIS ISN’T BELATED :(

Hi, dadots. Let’s pretend that today is November 28 and I didn’t greet you late. Juth give me a chanth becauth for the patht three yearth I’ve known you I’ve only greeted you late thith year po. Like, super late. Ugh. Happy birthday, AJ! 😀

ajuy6
First of all I would like to thank you for being there for me whenever I needed you to be there; as a friend, makeshift brother, or whatever. And I’m sorry for not joining you on your adventures in Colon, or wherever you want to explore.

Most of our adventures were with Raffy, and for that I am eternally grateful. Both of you helped me become a bit more adventurous; but dadots, it’s your birthday, so let’s focus on you. 😀

ajuy1

I guess I owe you a lot of milkteas by now, because I keep making promises for treats that I can’t keep up with, so 😦 Expect a lot of milkteas and treats to follow.

On another note, I’m so thankful that we became friends. You consistently make me smile, whether it’s because of your bad jokes, or because of your funny ones. Even though you make fun of my ‘eth’, I still find it funny.

But forget you heard that. Because then you’ll continue to tease me.

Oh, forget it. I’ll have a lithp forever, anyway.

ajuy2

Even though it doesn’t seem so lately, I know I can trust you.I know that you’ll #support me when I need to, and you can expect the same. I’m not a perfect mamots, but I’m trying my best to be the friend that you need.

Before I lose track of this birthday post, I also want to say that I wish you the best in life. I hope all your dreams come true. You’re a very passionate, intelligent individual who says ‘yes’ to open ended questions and feels bad when you get a small grade in an exam. You give 100% in everything that you do, whether it’s emceeing or making almost perfect projects.

And I envy you for being able to do that.

ajuy3

Here’s a reminder from me to you to smile always and keep your head up. Don’t be affected by whatever anyone else has to say negatively about you. They don’t know you and it shouldn’t matter. Continue being the person you are now, because basically, if you weren’t the person you are now, you wouldn’t be our dadots.

Lastly, thanks for being very patient with me. I’m harsh, I’m brash, and I’m the most un-girliest girl in the whole universe, but you still put up with me as a friend. Even though we have our differences, I know that when I need you, I can just text you when I do.

ajuy5

If you don’t remember, this is our first picture together. Hahaha.  You wanted to change that picture, so let’s also imagine that our first picture together was there instead of that recent one. Anyways, from there on, our friendship only became better. So here’s to more birthdays to come, and more memories with FORWARD. 🙂

Happy 16th birthday, Dadots. 🙂

AND THIS ISN’T BELATED LAGI.

My two best friends went AWOL

For some reason, two of my best friends, who have been with me through thick and thin, who have never abandoned me or ever scorned me, are missing.

Gone.

Away.

And I have no idea what to do without them.

For the past years in my life, I’ve been entirely dependent on either or both of them, depending on which best friend I needed the most. At the time. And the thing is, they would always be there. Standing next to me at a moment’s notice. I know wholeheartedly that I wouldn’t be the person I am today without those two in my life.

However; I realize that upon being dependent on them, I failed to truly recognize my raw skill and talent. I had grown up with the thought that I could take on the world with them at my side. And hey, it might be true. I think I just forgot to remember what it was like without Lady Luck and Count Confidence at my side.

Let’s start with my first friend; Lady Luck. She was a cheerful gal, always wearing my team colors and cheering me on. Lady Luck was the one I turned to during swimming competitions; she’d always have my back. Without training as hard as everyone else, I was still a star. Without placing or qualifying, I would always, somehow, find my place among the top. This was mostly because I had a couple of swimming friends who’d quit at the last minute.

Count Confidence was tall, dark, and mysterious. He was also incredibly smart, not to mention brave. He’d stand next to me, unseen, as I did things I never thought I’d ever do, like confess my undying love, speak in front of a crowd of a hundred or more, sing my heart out, and emcee the night away, giving me the comfort and confidence to pull it off.

When the Count and Lady Luck were together, though… I felt like I could conquer the world. The two of them made me feel like I could basically do anything and get away with it, no repercussions or consequences involved. They made me feel powerful; loved. They made me feel like I was unstoppable. The Count and Lady Luck helped me attract miracles.

I wonder when I started becoming addicted to relying on luck, and basing my skills on confidence.

You see, the thing is, I’ll be joining an international research congress this Friday, presenting my thesis in front of people I don’t even know. Heck, the only people I’ll know will be my two teachers, and three classmates. Just five people. In a crowd of certainly more than a hundred.

It is five days before the congress and the Count and Lady Luck are nowhere to be found.

Here’s to me pulling it off without them, or falling and crashing horribly just because I don’t know how to act without my two best friends.

And here’s to me hoping that it will be the first.

Negative Nora and Positive PJ

Nora: You don’t stand a chance.

PJ: You deserve a second glance.

Nora: That smile was never intended for you.

PJ: No one else makes him smile the way that you do.

Nora: There’s nowhere else to sit; that’s why he’s here.

PJ: I never heard you beg him to come near.

Nora: Listen to him talk; I think that he’s gay.

PJ: Just try, listen closely, to what he has to say.

Nora: Quit pining over him, what does he see in you?

PJ: You’re strong and you’re brave, intelligent, too.

Nora: You aren’t his type; with hair like that? Please.

PJ: A quick brush and a mirror, you’ll have him with ease.

Nora: You don’t even like him. He’s just the rebound.

Nora: I knew it was true; I can’t hear a sound.

Nora: You tried so hard to get over Pierre,

Nora: Now look what’s happened. Look over there.

Nora: He’s not what you’re after, the same goes for him.

Nora: Stop chasing dreams on a ridiculous whim.

PJ: You know what you think. I trust in you.

PJ: You don’t have to give her an excuse, I know you do.

PJ: You deserve to be happy, and if you find it with him?

PJ: The stars in your eyes, they aren’t going to dim.

PJ: Stay true to your heart, move over your hurt.

PJ: Don’t listen to Nora, those are just bitter words.

PJ: Dear, you are more. So much more than you think.

PJ: You deserve anyone, and deserve him in a blink!

PJ: He may be a rebound, but what you feel is true.

PJ: Vanquish pityful Nora, because she doesn’t know you.

PJ: And not to get your hopes up, but I hope you realize

PJ: That he looks like a guy when he stares into your eyes.

So I combined my favorite topics in this conscientious blog post – infamous Pierre vs. New crush. Nora and PJ are figments of my imagination. I basically just gave names to the angel and devil on my shoulder. Thought it would be unique to have a female character as a devil, and the male as a devil. Oh well. 🙂 I like how this became a somewhat story/poem. No regrets. 

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Di

We are us.

Does the title make sense?

I don’t think it does, and yet, once I typed those three words, I knew that it was perfect for this blog post.

It is simply because we are us.

Meeting someone you’ve always wanted to get to know is a gift. Realizing that the two of you are the same is a blessing. Becoming friends with this person is a miracle. Kind of half way falling for this person is a curse.

I experienced all four of these feelings. Hopefully I won’t fully go through with the next one.

You see, the thing with getting to know people is that you find out things that you never thought you’d ever know. You get to know their favorite color, favorite food, life style and daily routines. Minute details of their life become common knowledge to you two, and inside jokes are quickly formed. The beauty of it all is that, with the right person, getting to know someone doesn’t become a one-way thing. It becomes an open channel where you suddenly feel like bearing your soul to this person, to this simple person who suddenly became a light through the hazy mist of my college life; a lighthouse in the middle of the stormy sea.

And suddenly, this person becomes someone you can talk to. You suddenly feel like chatting with him every night on Facebook just to check in on him, or vent about your day.  In the current world, it’d be call ‘insta-friends’. All because of two hours in complete confidentiality, where we shared secrets and when he became more than a face I passed in the halls.

Sharing secrets like how we never fit in our own groups of friends. How we’d sometimes treat ourselves to dinner. How we’d like to just forget the world and reside in the library. Because, in your words, ‘We loners have to stick together.’

But I think that the most important thing we have in common is that we’re happy with our decisions in our lives. We may have made somewhat questionable choices in our lives regarding our social lives and in other aspects, but we’re happy about it. We wouldn’t want to change a thing.

Boy, we are us. And no one’s ever going to change us.

Here’s to us, being us. And here’s to us, hopefully being something more.

Falling Out

Dear you,

In this haze of everything that has been my second to last semester of college, one of the only things I can remember clearly (besides my thesis) are those fading feelings for you.

I don’t know when it started; heck, I don’t even think I wanted it to happen.

Or did I?

See, the thing is, it seems like I’ve had a crush on you for forever. I know you almost as much as I know myself, know your quirks and whenever you’re hiding your feelings deep inside. But the thing is, maybe knowing you too much was what put these feelings back in the trunk of ‘oh my goodness, get those feelings out of here’ feelings. Maybe realizing that we would never be a perfect match was what made my crush melt away.

Or maybe it was him.

Maybe it was when he suddenly appeared into my life, taking every feeling I’ve ever had and multiplying it by five. Maybe it was when he gave me hope, gave me a reason to wonder why, and ask ‘what if’.

In all honesty, you, I really did love you.

I just loved someone else more.

Toknining Days

The time is now 2:02 AM and we have all gone insane. I decided to get this off my chest before stepping into the more serious blog post of the evening. Or early morning.

Whatever.

I guess the point of this blog post is to become a memorial for our friendship; the friendship I won’t having much of by this time next year. I tend to take things for granted. I tend to lose friendships because of carelessness and callousness. 

I never want to lose them. Ever. 

Tape ain’t gonna fix a broken heart.

They say that a broken heart is a fast-flowing river. Get a damn hammer, nails and some plywood, build a bridge, and get over that thing.

Oh, if it were only that easy.

Realizing that I’ve written about the same topic exactly one year ago reminds me that there are things that I still haven’t gotten over. Seeing him again after nearly four years brought pains in my chest that I thought I had forgotten to feel. Seeing him again after nearly four years brought back butterflies into my heart that I thought had gone dormant.

I thought I had grown stronger. I thought I had gotten over him. I thought that the thorn in my side that was him had already been plucked away. I thought I would prove him wrong. I thought I would make him wish he had never hurt me. I thought that I had sung every Taylor Swift song, and felt better because of it. I thought I could stop hurting and forget. I thought I was over it. 

There are countless times that I find myself being proven wrong.

The thing is, no matter how many times you tell yourself you’ve gotten over somebody, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ve actually gotten over him. You can lie to yourself all you want, and fool that brain of yours into thinking that you’ve crushed into a million other guys after him. You can try and think that people you meet are a million times better, and that they’re worth your time.

But when you see him again, every wall you’ve built around yourself to keep him out crumbles. When you hear his voice again, every ear and heart plug you instilled in yourself to make yourself stronger stops working. When he smiles at you in the way you used to love, you stop functioning the way you want to.

As these thoughts run into my head, through my veins and into my fingers, all from the veins and arteries that make up my heart, I can only think of you.

And I can only think, If there was one person that I ever really was in love with, it would be you.

Habada, Riri.

Last year, I remember promising you a happy birthday blog post, ala Kai and Yiyin. Sadly, WordPress was a bitch (sorry, WordPress) and I wasn’t able to post it. The least I could do for this birthday was to finally post it. 

ay2 ay3 ay4 ay5 ay6 ay7 ay8 ay9 ay10 ay11 ay12         aycontinuephotobombing

 

Okay, so I have NO IDEA what happened to WordPress. xD It’s been so long, and I would have LIKED to post them individually but I don’t even know what happened. D: 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RIRI.

You deserve happiness. You deserve to live for five thousand years and beyond, because life should be good to you. You deserve to have a boyfriend who looks like Jensen and Misha and Jared together, and has the striking finese of a panther, with features like Adonis and an aura that screams ‘sex’. You deserve all the books in the world, and you deserve great friends who love you and support you. (And your creative skills)

We’ve been friends for at least two years now, maybe even more, and I wish we’d be friends forever xD (Awww) You’re my online quiz taking buddy, my reading buddy, and my supportive buddy. I shall never forget you, and doncha ever forget that. xx 

Don’t stop singing, don’t stop being creative, and don’t stop joking those oh so funny jokes.

hahahahahahahhahaha

So anyways, happy birthday ririI can’t bold that enough. 

Wait. Happy 20th birthday Riri. You are now officially older than your mamots. 😀 Have fun today! I love you so much mwamwachupchupssssssssss. xoxo

 

That immortal first love

Dear you.

Seeing you for the first time in 5 years completely threw me off guard. Seeing you casually leaning against that terrace like you had no other care in the world suddenly made me feel like a first year high school student again.

I had dreamed that when I saw you for the first time after you broke my heart so many times and still made me love you, that I would be the one thing you’d never have. I dreamed of meeting you when I was successful with a license in nursing, slim and beautiful, confident and classy. I had dreamed of making you ask for my number over and over again, and me giving you a smug, simple, NO.

It’s funny how the things we dream about the most almost always don’t end up the way we want them to.

I saw you for the first time, completely out of my element and unprepared. Clumsy. Maybe the make up made me beautiful. I don’t know. All I know is, we saw each other for the first time in 5 years and I am 100% sure that you were just as unprepared as I was.

Surrounded by people who loved us together and loved us apart, I couldn’t help but notice that people were trying to push us together. Make it known that we were the only single pringles at the table. Ask us to pass things to each other, and giggle when we’d put our hands at the most awkward of angles, just to avoid hand and finger touches that would remind me (probably, mostly, hopefully not just me) of 3AM, hand holding and warm palms.

I remember how I was hoping it wasn’t just my imagination when I’d see you out of the corner of my eye, staring at me, or probably the wall behind me. I remember how I’d stare at you, wondering how in the world did it come to this? And then of course, the inevitable game of eye tag, where we try our hardest not to catch the other staring at us.

And I remember wondering what in the world had happened to me? Here I was; so sure that I had moved on and forgotten. So sure that my heart belonged to someone else. Only to be turned upside down, just by looking at you.

So suddenly sure that I had not moved on. So suddenly sure that among all of the crushes I had, among all those ‘loves’ and hits and misses, you were the one who stood out. And then it became clear to me. I had not moved on. Not even close. I had merely pushed you to the back of my mind, forgotten. Because if I had moved on, before leaving you for an indefinite amount of years, I would have walked up to you that night, looked you in the eye, and said goodbye. Said goodbye with the finality of someone who had moved on.

But I couldn’t. I couldn’t even say goodbye. Not even until the very last second. I felt like such a coward.

And so, as I talk with my psychologist friend and ponder about these feelings, I, by the power vested in me, pronounce you (you, not the friend) as my first love.

And I also pronounce you as not dead.

Love, me.

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