They say that a broken heart is a fast-flowing river. Get a damn hammer, nails and some plywood, build a bridge, and get over that thing.
Oh, if it were only that easy.
Realizing that I’ve written about the same topic exactly one year ago reminds me that there are things that I still haven’t gotten over. Seeing him again after nearly four years brought pains in my chest that I thought I had forgotten to feel. Seeing him again after nearly four years brought back butterflies into my heart that I thought had gone dormant.
I thought I had grown stronger. I thought I had gotten over him. I thought that the thorn in my side that was him had already been plucked away. I thought I would prove him wrong. I thought I would make him wish he had never hurt me. I thought that I had sung every Taylor Swift song, and felt better because of it. I thought I could stop hurting and forget. I thought I was over it.
There are countless times that I find myself being proven wrong.
The thing is, no matter how many times you tell yourself you’ve gotten over somebody, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ve actually gotten over him. You can lie to yourself all you want, and fool that brain of yours into thinking that you’ve crushed into a million other guys after him. You can try and think that people you meet are a million times better, and that they’re worth your time.
But when you see him again, every wall you’ve built around yourself to keep him out crumbles. When you hear his voice again, every ear and heart plug you instilled in yourself to make yourself stronger stops working. When he smiles at you in the way you used to love, you stop functioning the way you want to.
As these thoughts run into my head, through my veins and into my fingers, all from the veins and arteries that make up my heart, I can only think of you.
And I can only think, If there was one person that I ever really was in love with, it would be you.