It is that moment just before I close my eyes to sleep that I start to remember what I shouldn’t. And once I’ve started thinking about it, I can’t stop, and there’s a waterfall of memories flowing into my brain, into my heart, and into my dreams.
I see a boy and a girl, stolen glances never caught, and finally a confession. Memories keep streaming in, I don’t know what to do to stop them.
They whisper at 3:45 in the morning; his sister might hear them, her friends might wake up. A reckless sixteen year old and an inexperienced, innocent fourteen year old, making promises that they knew they couldn’t, wouldn’t keep. Their hands are entwined, lips not touching. The room is white walls, green couches and fluffy pillows. Their love is the innocent puppy love that only children can have. They evolved from crushes, but never moved onto something more.
I remember laughs and teases, guitars, songs and dark brown eyes.
Their friends are all aware, prods and pushes are made almost every day. They never get mad, they take it in good stride, although she tries to deny it, and he just laughs. Although they hover in between what a relationship is and isn’t, they enjoy where they are. For now.
I hear his voice, and what it won’t say.
Her face crumples when he ignores her for the first time. So this is what rejection is, she realizes, and hopes it doesn’t last. She tries everything from trying to joke, to giving him space. She asks his friends, and keeps it in her heart. She reaches out to him after practice, and he shrugs her away. That is the last time she tries. And it is the last time she looks at him straight in the eye.
I never know what made him change, and I guess I’ll never know. I can’t, however, stop thinking about those memories.
I remember memories I shouldn’t remember. I relish the pain it brings me. It makes me a sadist. I remember memories that I don’t want to remember, and sadly, there’s nothing I can do about it. Once you start remembering, you can never stop.
Author’s Note: This story is part of another blog challenge with my crazy friends.