"Forever's an awfully long time."

Archive for September, 2013

The Letter I Want Him to Write.

Kai gave me this idea. It might be a future blog challenge for us, but for now, I realize that it might be a way of closure for me. Who knows? I might get something out of this.

(*)

Kaitlin,

I’m sorry. 

I know it’s corny, and it’s probably the last thing you want to hear from me (if you even want to hear from me), but it’s true. I really am sorry. There’s nothing I can do for you, not anymore. I know I said it once, and I know I should have meant it.

So now, I’d just like to say that I don’t regret anything. We were young, we might not have been in love, but we must have had something special. I know that I made you hope for too much, and again, I’m sorry. It was just nice for once, to have a girl I could talk Pokemon about with, to have someone to pace with, and someone to enjoy life with. 

I shouldn’t have lost you, but in the end, I think that both of us made each other grow, in a way. I learned the hard way that girls aren’t going to flock after me, and you learned that loving someone isn’t as easy as Disney movies. The only thing I regret is that I had to make you hurt for so long.

You’ve always been a fan of closure, and I hope I’ve given you something that will at least close this part of our lives.

I just want you to know that I hurt too. And I hope that we can see each other again and I can tell you this in person. You deserve that.

You’ve always deserved that.

Me. 

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I Never Thought I’d Be Here: 17 Years Old, Homecoming Queen Two Years Running, And Sleeping With A Dad

Thought Catalog

I was about to be a senior in high school. I was 17 and full of life. Homecoming queen two years running, I was gifted with a charming and bubbly personality, I prided myself on being a genuine friend to everyone. I never thought of the consequences that could come from being friendly.

That summer I had just gotten out of a long relationship and was actually happy being single. I started hanging out with these guys I thought were cool, and smoking with them every day. Each day was a thrill with this group, finding ways to have fun in our small town. I was starting to build relationships with all the guys, but I didn’t think any of us were anything but friends.

I should have known the day I went to go smoke with our group and it was just him waiting for me and when he…

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(Not) Mine

 I’m scared.

Our relationship is like walking on a tightrope; one move, and I’ll fall. And not in the sickly, lovey-dovey way. I mean ‘fall’ in a sense that I’ll just hurt myself.

I say this because I’ve already fallen. It’s too late for me to ‘un-fall’, if that’s even a word. The bigger problem with this scenario is that we were never meant to be, and yet, I went along and fell in love with him. Stupid head. Stupid heart. Stupid whatever hormone is responsible for making people fall in love.

The two of us? Together? The idea itself makes me laugh and yet, hope endlessly. They say that dreams are for free, but this is one dream I can’t even afford. One wrong step, and I disrupt this balance that I’m trying so hard to keep in place.

The thing is, despite all this caution, this wariness, this hurt? I’m happy. I have him. No one else has him like I do. I mean, I can actually talk to him. I can comfort him, and he can comfort me. For once in my life, I’m not invisible.

And I’m happy, in the end. It’s funny, because in a way, nobody knows him like I do. There are parts of his attitude that he has shown only to me. There are things that only I know, secrets only I’ve heard.

He’s my friend. A close friend. No matter how much I need him in my life, I can never have him the way I want him. Never. He can hug me, he can hold me, he can hold my hands, but never the way I want him.

Right, because things always went the right way for me. 

But I guess these things are somewhat a blessing in disguise, something I’ve always been a magnet of. Heartache comes naturally, and yet, so does my happiness. Wait, did that even make sense?

In a sick way, in a twisted way, I’m happy.

I’m lucky. 

(*)

This is a work of fiction, and has no connection in any way to the author.

Still awaiting the other four girls. This is one in a five part collaboration.

Seven Dwarves

Not a lot of people know this, but I was dubbed ‘Snow White’ sometime back either in my 2nd or 3rd grade.

The only physical attribute that Walt Disney’s Snow White and I have in common is the black hair. My lips are not blood red, and my skin is not as white as snow. So why, you ask?

It’s simple. I ate an apple once upon a time, and fainted.

I don’t know why that happened to me, but the thing that stuck to me back then was, wow… I became a Disney princess.

About 12 years have passed since that day (I’m OLD oh, no…) and I’ve already watched the different remakes of the Snow White movies (Mirror, Mirror, Snow White and the Huntsman), and I just realized how unappreciated the dwarves were. Are. In conclusion, I came to the decision that, well, maybe if I was Snow White for a day, I should at least give due credit to the seven dwarves in my life.

The Seven Dwarves changed Snow White’s life; they saved her, gave her a home, and made her feel loved. Frankly, if they weren’t even in the story, she probably would’ve died on the spot. In another sense, these dwarves also gave her her happy ending. Now girls in my life, you’re going to have to wait until I make a blog post about the ’12 dancing princesses’ or something, because for now, it’s the guys’ turn. Yes, the seven dwarves of my life.

I don’t mean that they’re literally, you know, small and stuff. No, most of my ‘dwarves’ are tall males which have added and made me feel wanted in the world, and who aren’t necessarily loved in the aspect that Snow White loved the prince (or the huntsman.). But rest assured, they are loved, and they are loved dearly. There is one who I think could have been here, but something happened that made me lose respect. One day, you’ll be forgiven. Sorry, but not now.

One dwarf has been in my life since 6th grade, and three of them haven’t even been my friends for a year. But nonetheless, I still salute you for making a big impact on my life.

Boys, if you’re reading this, and you’ve made the list, I congratulate you. You taught me a lot of important life lessons. You made me who I am today.

(In order of appearance in my life :P)

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Justin.

Ah, Justin. The guy who I was convinced was hyperactive or something back in grade school. He was my first guy-friend here in the Philippines (true friend… *coughs*) and he taught me how to be a guy and have fun. It was lucky that I met this guy, because I had someone to talk with about Pokemon and cartoons. He was also fun to be with; lunch was always, always incomplete without a game of Chainsaw Massacre, dodgeball, or hide and seek.  I learned from Justin that girls don’t really have to be girly all the time.

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Mathieu.

If there was ever a guy who made me like him so much and yet made me want to kill or strangle him, it was Mathieu. It is still Mathieu. You were my seatmate, frontmate, backmate, diagonal-mate and forced buddy, since I think that Sir Ian thought that we could be friends even though you were the first one to make fun of my eyebrows (and I cut your hair in retaliation). You even reported me to the freaking principal. Anyways,  it’s funny, because I think that he is one of my greatest frenemy, and we still find a lot to talk about. I learned from Mathieu that sometimes, blessings really do come from weird places. And sometimes, punishments are worth it.

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Nico.

He has been my friend for three years now. He, along with another friend (Dre) whom I don’t have a picture of, are two of the closest guy friends I have. Long jeepney rides home with him and the rest of DNA Millennium were always full of laughs, and if I had any problems at the moment, I knew that I could talk to him. Thanks to him, I learned to speak up for myself. I learned how to accept the fact that I couldn’t draw. And yes, I learned how to face my fears. He’s an awesome friend, and I wouldn’t know what to do without him.

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Nichole.

My guy version. He swears as much as I do, is a bookworm, spends time on the computer, and writes a little. He’s currently my classmate in college. Early memories with him are talking about anime, games, and the like. (Looking back, I realize this is how I met most of my guy friends. Anime. Games. Pokemon. ‘The Like’) He keeps secrets like nobody else, and gives advice like it’s candy; candy that is actually worth something. I learned a lot from him, especially when it came to love. Nichole taught me that sometimes, it’s best to move on. That maybe sometimes, holding on isn’t the best thing.

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Vizmarc.

I salute him. I really do. It’s not really easy to juggle being an org president, dancer, and research leader all at the same time. Trying to combine those three is practically a nightmare; although admittedly, I do the same. This is probably the reason why the two of us connect so much. He taught me a lot about being a leader; it’s more than just sacrifice. It’s a lot more sacrifice on your part. As a leader, you have to learn to take the responsibility for things that don’t always go your way. Even when it isn’t your fault, it is. Accept it.

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Lloyd.

College life wouldn’t be the same without FORWARD, of course, and Lloyd was the first probie (now staff) that I befriended. We didn’t have much to talk about at first, but everything changed when the fire nation attac- when I started listening to his playlist. Rock. Screams. Metal. I relished in it. As he passed me the songs via bluetooth and as our friendship (like the next two dwarves) grew, I learned a lot of things from him. Music really can unite people. Sometimes, friendships are forged in the most unlikely of ways, and sometimes, they leave a very long-lasting mark.

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AJ.

Dadots, oh dadots. The second among the three dwarves hailing from FORWARD.  We didn’t click right away, and I really don’t remember why, but what matters is the result. Because of course we’re really close now, or else he wouldn’t be on this list. He taught me how to properly shoot pictures that move, and taught me how to adjust the ISO and shutter speed. (Okay, not really the deep message you’ve all been expecting by now, but don’t worry, it’s coming up) He taught me that I should be attentive, as a nurse, and as a friend. Listening goes a long way. Being there is one of the best things you can do for a person.

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Raff.

Last but not the least, my senior. (Sounds weird. Ew.) My best master friend. Also another co-gamer (although he surpasses me in so many levels and I have YET to beat him MarioKart more than thrice) and another good friend. And yes, he is the giver of many a great lesson. I learned from him that you should always save a game, document, or whatever. I learned that there are really simple solutions to hard problems (turn on the wifi, Kaitlin, hell-ooooo~). I learned that besides laughter, hugs are also a great form of medicine.

Yes, I know that was EIGHT. Eight dwarves. Can you blame me for not being able to pick just seven? Guys, thanks for being a part of my life. Thanks for all the lessons. Hopefully, there’ll be more lessons… and moments to come. 🙂

Next goal: The Twelve Dancing Princesses (because of course there are more girls in my life :D)

Sorry, dear, but I just love holding grudges

Yes, even though it wasn’t me that was wronged.

(WARNING: Too much hate. Proceed with caution)

How dare you. How dare you

I know how he says he’s over you, but I can also hear him when you pass by as if nothing happened. I can hear him calling my attention, and I can see the hurt that’s still in his eyes.

I’m neither blind nor deaf. I just pretend to believe him.

I just wrote this sweet little blog post to remind myself that I will forever be labeling you as a bitch, and I will judge you for the rest of your life. I have no plan of socializing with you any time soon.

Before any of you readers tell me that I shouldn’t be this judgmental and evil, I will tell you that I have evidence, and what she did to my friend is just… low.

So to you, if you ever read this. I’m watching you.

Hate. Hate. Hate. 

61 Hilariously Honest Jennifer Lawrence Quotes That Will Make Your Day

J. Law. I ADORE YOU

Thought Catalog

If Jennifer Lawrence isn’t already your power animal, she should be. America’s motor-mouthed sweetheart is a forever quotable and gifable treasure, whose penchant for off-the-cuff honesty is second only to how down-to-earth and relatable she is. Without further ado (or more ass-kissing), these are the just some of the most awesome Jennifer Lawrence quotes. It’s not a best list by any means, because every Jennifer Lawrence quote is the best Jennifer Lawrence quote.

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1. “I wish this was like Mean Girls and I could just break this up and throw it at all of you!” – referencing Mean Girls while accepting her People’s Choice Award

2. “Teenagers only have to focus on themselves – its not until we get older that we realize that other people exist.” – via Brainy Quote

3. “I just went to the doctor today, I got a chest X-ray of my lungs and discovered that…

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Cheat, Cheater, Cheated

My second blog post tonight. Whoooo. 

But I have so much to say. Especially now that recently, not one, not two, but three of my friends have been cheated on this year. Two boys, and one girl. 

Let me tell you one thing: if you want me to hate you, and I mean really dislike you with the passion of a thousand suns, tell me that you cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend. Tell me that you kissed someone else behind your significant other’s back. Tell me those things and I swear, I will hate you.

My first friend had his heart broken earlier in the year, and let me just tell you that that girl was a complete bitch. My friend also had her heart broken just a couple months ago, by someone who was my friend. I’m trying to be his friend now, but it’s hard. It really is. And now, my close friend had his heart broken just this week.

Why?

Why is the world full of them? Why do they exist?

The thing that just pisses me off about cheaters is that they have one person who loves them unconditionally. They love you, they don’t have to but they do, and yet you have the guts to do that to them?

How could you?

I know that in some cases, there are people who cheat because they feel that their significant other isn’t loving enough towards them. You might have that excuse, but please have the dignity to call it quits with that person before you cheat on them.

I’d rather have someone break up with me than cheat on me.

I try really hard not to ‘hate’ anybody for a particular reason. I really do. But cheating gets on my nerves more than anything else.

This is to all the cheaters. I am a friend whose friends are being hurt by the lot of you. Please stop. 

I don’t really want to be a major bitch towards you, especially when one of you is my friend. 

I really don’t. 

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